And please, Mr. General!
Showtime on the Hardthöhe! Who would have thought that German military personnel were real entertainers. The term front theater also takes on a whole new meaning.
by Alexander Kira
by Alexander Kira
"Hello, Hello Mr General" the first words of the telephone conference listened to have almost become a household word in video conferences. This calming mix of jovial casino tone and dashing soldier's language is also ideal for lightening up a boring conversation with colleagues. Since then we also know: whoever says Moin, Moin also means: Moin, Moin, dear listeners. So for days there was a giggle at every Moin Moin during video conferences before moving on to the agenda, i.e. after welcoming those returning from vacation and wishing everyone who had returned from sick leave "get well soon." But the cold season is also relentless.
This was followed by a few jokes along the lines of "psst who knows who else is listening in" from colleagues who never notice when a joke is over. This time they were right. The joke actually doesn't work: If you believe the increasingly loud experts, it wasn't a successful wiretapping operation at all - but the other way around, the people listening in were victims of a deliberately staged radio play. What a twist! If you listen to the studio-quality recording, you actually start to think: the jovial but always correct tone, the "almost" criticism of the management level, which is immediately balanced by heartfelt, "almost" praise - none of this actually resonates a recorded conversation in the smoking corner of the Gustav Heinemann barracks in Essen. It almost seems surprising that in the end none of those involved burst into tears over a confession of the Defense Minister's greatness. Speaking of which: Don't you see a kind of mischievous smile in the corner of the Defense Minister's mouth at his subsequent press conference and don't you feel a bit reminiscent of Barschels' word of honor and Clinton's "I did not have a..."?
This would not be the first time in history and it is entirely plausible that only a radio play was intercepted - at the same time this raises far-reaching questions: Is there a separate department in the Ministry of Defense that stages something like this? Greetings from George Orwell's War of the Worlds. Even advocates of the staged moon landing wouldn't be able to avoid a big grin. So does Hardthöhe have dramaturgs employed who write texts and then rehearse them with those involved? Not only since the boom in scripted reality have we known that amateur actors are far ahead of professionals in everyday situations. Why should things be different in the military sector? That would also explain the staff shortage in the film and television sector in recent years. The filmmakers were not even involved in various Netflix productions. No! They worked deep in the cellars of the Hardthöhe. With crisp manuscripts, soulful confessions and the perfect casualness of "Moin, Moin!". Even production trips to Singapore are no problem thanks to the expertise of the dream ship.
However, especially in times of fake news, this raises another question: How can you distinguish reality from fiction? The red light on the lectern in the Bundestag actually means: Enemy is listening! Just talk nonsense! Do you still remember the diamond? Retrospectively, it is completely clear that the Chancellor wanted to give us a silent signal. She was quite adept at wiretapping, even from friends. In a double sense: Who could have dealt with intercepted phone calls more routinely than the former FDJ official Angela Merkel? You almost get the impression that she also taught the Bundeswehr how to reverse wiretapping operations as a best practice. Sounds absurd? Well - an FDJ official as chancellor? A defense minister from the nobility who gives her children tips for their riding tournaments in front of the camera from the armored limousine. Was that really real? Or rather a big cinema?
04/24/2024
Alexander Kira has written about international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
This was followed by a few jokes along the lines of "psst who knows who else is listening in" from colleagues who never notice when a joke is over. This time they were right. The joke actually doesn't work: If you believe the increasingly loud experts, it wasn't a successful wiretapping operation at all - but the other way around, the people listening in were victims of a deliberately staged radio play. What a twist! If you listen to the studio-quality recording, you actually start to think: the jovial but always correct tone, the "almost" criticism of the management level, which is immediately balanced by heartfelt, "almost" praise - none of this actually resonates a recorded conversation in the smoking corner of the Gustav Heinemann barracks in Essen. It almost seems surprising that in the end none of those involved burst into tears over a confession of the Defense Minister's greatness. Speaking of which: Don't you see a kind of mischievous smile in the corner of the Defense Minister's mouth at his subsequent press conference and don't you feel a bit reminiscent of Barschels' word of honor and Clinton's "I did not have a..."?
This would not be the first time in history and it is entirely plausible that only a radio play was intercepted - at the same time this raises far-reaching questions: Is there a separate department in the Ministry of Defense that stages something like this? Greetings from George Orwell's War of the Worlds. Even advocates of the staged moon landing wouldn't be able to avoid a big grin. So does Hardthöhe have dramaturgs employed who write texts and then rehearse them with those involved? Not only since the boom in scripted reality have we known that amateur actors are far ahead of professionals in everyday situations. Why should things be different in the military sector? That would also explain the staff shortage in the film and television sector in recent years. The filmmakers were not even involved in various Netflix productions. No! They worked deep in the cellars of the Hardthöhe. With crisp manuscripts, soulful confessions and the perfect casualness of "Moin, Moin!". Even production trips to Singapore are no problem thanks to the expertise of the dream ship.
However, especially in times of fake news, this raises another question: How can you distinguish reality from fiction? The red light on the lectern in the Bundestag actually means: Enemy is listening! Just talk nonsense! Do you still remember the diamond? Retrospectively, it is completely clear that the Chancellor wanted to give us a silent signal. She was quite adept at wiretapping, even from friends. In a double sense: Who could have dealt with intercepted phone calls more routinely than the former FDJ official Angela Merkel? You almost get the impression that she also taught the Bundeswehr how to reverse wiretapping operations as a best practice. Sounds absurd? Well - an FDJ official as chancellor? A defense minister from the nobility who gives her children tips for their riding tournaments in front of the camera from the armored limousine. Was that really real? Or rather a big cinema?
04/24/2024
Alexander Kira has written about international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
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