Everything except offside
Learning from the German national team means learning to win. German politicians could also make the next European elections a celebration if they finally adopted the best practices from football. With one exception: everything except offside!
by Alexander Kira
by Alexander Kira
This text must begin with a confession: the author of these lines readily admits that he is illiterate when it comes to football. But perhaps, blind to the subtleties of the sport, he can look deep into its nature and recognize its enormous potential for German politics. Are there any better best practices than football?
Football is honest: logos of party donors in the entrance to the parliamentary group meeting room and the sources of additional income on clothing would make statements in interviews easier to understand. Football is dynamic: substituting ministers more frequently - even from abroad - would bring a breath of fresh air into the federal government for the second half of the legislative period. Including high fives and hugs from the Federal President, pure emotion even for failed officials. From a football perspective, is it not absurd that the parliamentary groups do not switch sides in the plenary session after the summer break? Finally, the seating order with left and right that has been set in stone since the 10 Commandments would be broken. That stimulates the mind, like a header goal. If the cabinet then walked into the government bench with members of the youth organizations as mascots, things would get moving. Susceptible to lobbyists' whispers? An ice-water bath after the meeting also hardens you up against tempting words from interest groups over heavy red wines. Serious thought should also be given to traveling together in party buses, including arriving with cheering supporters in front of the party hotel. Those would be images that would give the country hope again!
Football also knows how to keep the tension up to the very end. Surprising corners or penalty shootouts? The Federal Council can help! In future, Bärbel Bas will decide what an approval law is: if a member of parliament becomes too rebellious due to malicious heckling, she will blow the whistle. Her clear gesture to the always empty state bench indicates: approval law! The Federal Council has a say - and the cards will be reshuffled in the third reading. But it's not just the Bundestag that could learn - the whole republic: have you ever seen a game that starts later? Despite hundreds of thousands of fans in the stadium and a high-risk level? The goal would have to fall over, like in the Champions League on the legendary April 1st 1998. Deutsche Bahn - can you hear the signals? Respect for the conductors would also be restored. If they are once again shouted at for every injustice in the world, from now on the yellow ticket from the breast pocket is enough to calm people down. The whistle is even hanging around the neck.
The most inappropriate rule, of all things, has already been integrated into everyday social life: offside. For the football layman, offside decisions justified in the nanometer range regularly trigger choking fits on potato chips when goals are conceded for obviously no reason. If the rule seems to make sense on the pitch, it does not in the rest of the republic. If more and more areas of life are legalized and over-regulated, if shitstorms turn every action into a high-risk zone - then society whistles itself into the sidelines. Innovation and courage are nipped in the bud and success is denied for reasons of principle. No country can afford such voluntary offside, at least until we live in the perfect world. The most likeable northern German in Paris, Karl Lagerfeld, always stressed that success in the fashion industry can never be 100% fair. This also applies to society, as Niklas Luhmann explains. If politics and the public made the rules of football, half and quarter goals would be introduced. Don't be surprised if you wake up all alone in the stadium - like the English fan at Schalke.
During the commercial break, ARD suddenly brings us back from the ideal football world to reality. The employees of a hardware store chain dance and drum happily with their mascot. Hopefully it's real this time.
06/25/2024
Alexander Kira has written about international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
Football is honest: logos of party donors in the entrance to the parliamentary group meeting room and the sources of additional income on clothing would make statements in interviews easier to understand. Football is dynamic: substituting ministers more frequently - even from abroad - would bring a breath of fresh air into the federal government for the second half of the legislative period. Including high fives and hugs from the Federal President, pure emotion even for failed officials. From a football perspective, is it not absurd that the parliamentary groups do not switch sides in the plenary session after the summer break? Finally, the seating order with left and right that has been set in stone since the 10 Commandments would be broken. That stimulates the mind, like a header goal. If the cabinet then walked into the government bench with members of the youth organizations as mascots, things would get moving. Susceptible to lobbyists' whispers? An ice-water bath after the meeting also hardens you up against tempting words from interest groups over heavy red wines. Serious thought should also be given to traveling together in party buses, including arriving with cheering supporters in front of the party hotel. Those would be images that would give the country hope again!
Football also knows how to keep the tension up to the very end. Surprising corners or penalty shootouts? The Federal Council can help! In future, Bärbel Bas will decide what an approval law is: if a member of parliament becomes too rebellious due to malicious heckling, she will blow the whistle. Her clear gesture to the always empty state bench indicates: approval law! The Federal Council has a say - and the cards will be reshuffled in the third reading. But it's not just the Bundestag that could learn - the whole republic: have you ever seen a game that starts later? Despite hundreds of thousands of fans in the stadium and a high-risk level? The goal would have to fall over, like in the Champions League on the legendary April 1st 1998. Deutsche Bahn - can you hear the signals? Respect for the conductors would also be restored. If they are once again shouted at for every injustice in the world, from now on the yellow ticket from the breast pocket is enough to calm people down. The whistle is even hanging around the neck.
The most inappropriate rule, of all things, has already been integrated into everyday social life: offside. For the football layman, offside decisions justified in the nanometer range regularly trigger choking fits on potato chips when goals are conceded for obviously no reason. If the rule seems to make sense on the pitch, it does not in the rest of the republic. If more and more areas of life are legalized and over-regulated, if shitstorms turn every action into a high-risk zone - then society whistles itself into the sidelines. Innovation and courage are nipped in the bud and success is denied for reasons of principle. No country can afford such voluntary offside, at least until we live in the perfect world. The most likeable northern German in Paris, Karl Lagerfeld, always stressed that success in the fashion industry can never be 100% fair. This also applies to society, as Niklas Luhmann explains. If politics and the public made the rules of football, half and quarter goals would be introduced. Don't be surprised if you wake up all alone in the stadium - like the English fan at Schalke.
During the commercial break, ARD suddenly brings us back from the ideal football world to reality. The employees of a hardware store chain dance and drum happily with their mascot. Hopefully it's real this time.
06/25/2024
Alexander Kira has written about international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
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