FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF DOOFLAND
Events are moving very quickly. Here a war, there a crime against humanity, today underwater, tomorrow European champions. The first flags on the cars. Distraction: yes please. And the whole thing is now ready for war. Tanks and the Bundesliga? Of course. But first discourse. What this blathering is called everywhere. An assessment and classification by Kai Blasberg.
We all know how important floods are in politics. The grandees from Berlin and the wettest regions make pilgrimages in droves to the places where people are astonished to discover that what everyone has been saying for a long time and is still being denied is apparently somehow true. There, slogans and promises are thrashed out that make the bear shudder. People who know their schedule for months will, in a few hours, be standing in rubber boots, hundreds of kilometers away, in the midst of the suffering of the population. A tweet, like that of Nazi singers and knife-wielding Afghans, is not enough. Here, you need to be in close contact. It is not pleasant. And certainly not useful. OK, yes, but only for the boot-wearing grandees, then they once again do not have to worry about their actual tasks. Markus Söder, of course, is always at the forefront, so he can't even shave anymore. But he always acts surprised. He actually said that this (floods) was not to be expected. His speech-impaired deputy even ruled out any consequences. This (he also meant the floods, but as a flawless Darwinist he says it on any other occasion too) simply cannot be prevented. And we can't afford you characters, you think. But unfortunately that can no longer be influenced by elections. Meanwhile, the inner Tucholsky yells at you mercilessly.
If you're not standing in the water, you can have your picture taken with weapons. The country should go to war. The war of thought. The most slack society in the world should be prepared. A herculean task. Isn't that also the name of a transport plane? Anyway, let's carry on with the text. Because a few very rich people absolutely have to get even richer. Those who experience the war, those who are attacked, are easily criticized for this terrible reality and the associated desire for supplies and then supported with the weapons, the life-saving delivery of which was refused for months. But those who are not threatened at all, because they are not threatened, are supposed to buy weapons, provide their children in convolutedly veiled "services to society" so that things that we would have acknowledged yesterday with a bird drawn on our foreheads become socially acceptable. What they call discourse is to be used exclusively to erase all semantics.
Thinking was yesterday. Now it's about fear.
An editor at WDR, paid by us and devoid of any competence to act, orders a survey that Björn Hoecke would not have dared to commission. He himself glorifies the folly of his existence in a wordy way, and his boss, the always-on Jörg Schönenborn, is swept under the table. He hopes that no one will see him there. Ducking is the core virtue. Resignation was something from the eighties. At the biggest flop in the recent and flop-filled media history of the ARD, a program with the same name as its anchorwoman, Miosga, people from row three sit there and say things that people from row three say. There is no attempt to gain insight. But there are lots of smiles. A football club gets an arms manufacturer as a sponsor and the fans get upset. Until more well-known fans and public relations workers think that this is not nice, so that they consciously, deliberately and purposefully end up in the "whatever you want to do" mode known from this column world. Once you've arrived here, it's not far to compliant acceptance. Landmines for Union Berlin, nuclear backpacks on the company bike to Freiburg.
Elke Heidenreich. You can see that I'm getting hot. The 80-year-old has been writing the same book for countless years, which is about things that Elke Heidenreich thinks she has to offer something special about. When I was a child and a teenager, she once criticized the people in charge and became famous for it. Now she criticizes everything and everyone, but she doesn't care as long as she's invited to the same meeting in Cologne, yes, even WDR, to promote the same book. Unfortunately, a clip from this meeting, which was chewed over by one of these well-known football fans, found its way into my timeline on the last SM channel I still attend. What you are reading now is your business. Grandma Elke invented the Greens and Greenpeace. We didn't know that. That's not true either. But she was younger than 80 and was already alive when it happened. And because she claimed the alleged achievements of the organizations that she had no influence on in any way, with remarkable chutzpah, it was crystal clear to her that she had the right to senselessly damage the earth with opera trips to Palermo and therefore not have to feel responsible for anything. Let future generations prove that they are just as ignorant as Grandma Else in the style of the old, non-binary white man-woman and close their eyes to the obvious.
can.
It must be possible to at least keep your mouth shut.
Apropos vibes: Kalle Rummenigge, the old pony corpse, quickly withdraws his trust from his new trainer on some stage where the soon-to-be 70-year-old is invited, long before his first day at work. He is, so the red-nosed man from Lipperland whines, the candidate for the board of directors, and as a member of the supervisory board he means the body that directs and must direct the operational fortunes of the supervised FC Bayern. The supervisory board has to turn inwards and be helpful. But Kalle can't do that. Since the hated Feistling from Tegernsee doesn't do that either, Kalle turns outwards like Uli and is helpless. Entertainment guaranteed from August included. Everyone is looking forward to it.
Then it's the European elections. Oh, I see. What again? Uschi? No, only if the fascists join in. But they are no longer fascists because they exclude the Nazis from the AfD. You can't make this up: Ms Meloni and Ms Le Pen exclude Ms Weidel so that Ms von der Leyen remains president. Vive la patriarchy. With men like Merz and Laschet, a joke with a walker. And 80 years ago, the landing in Normandy.
When there is flooding, Frank Walter is on cloud nine.
06.06.24
*Kai Blasberg worked in the private media in Germany for 40 years
If you're not standing in the water, you can have your picture taken with weapons. The country should go to war. The war of thought. The most slack society in the world should be prepared. A herculean task. Isn't that also the name of a transport plane? Anyway, let's carry on with the text. Because a few very rich people absolutely have to get even richer. Those who experience the war, those who are attacked, are easily criticized for this terrible reality and the associated desire for supplies and then supported with the weapons, the life-saving delivery of which was refused for months. But those who are not threatened at all, because they are not threatened, are supposed to buy weapons, provide their children in convolutedly veiled "services to society" so that things that we would have acknowledged yesterday with a bird drawn on our foreheads become socially acceptable. What they call discourse is to be used exclusively to erase all semantics.
Thinking was yesterday. Now it's about fear.
An editor at WDR, paid by us and devoid of any competence to act, orders a survey that Björn Hoecke would not have dared to commission. He himself glorifies the folly of his existence in a wordy way, and his boss, the always-on Jörg Schönenborn, is swept under the table. He hopes that no one will see him there. Ducking is the core virtue. Resignation was something from the eighties. At the biggest flop in the recent and flop-filled media history of the ARD, a program with the same name as its anchorwoman, Miosga, people from row three sit there and say things that people from row three say. There is no attempt to gain insight. But there are lots of smiles. A football club gets an arms manufacturer as a sponsor and the fans get upset. Until more well-known fans and public relations workers think that this is not nice, so that they consciously, deliberately and purposefully end up in the "whatever you want to do" mode known from this column world. Once you've arrived here, it's not far to compliant acceptance. Landmines for Union Berlin, nuclear backpacks on the company bike to Freiburg.
Elke Heidenreich. You can see that I'm getting hot. The 80-year-old has been writing the same book for countless years, which is about things that Elke Heidenreich thinks she has to offer something special about. When I was a child and a teenager, she once criticized the people in charge and became famous for it. Now she criticizes everything and everyone, but she doesn't care as long as she's invited to the same meeting in Cologne, yes, even WDR, to promote the same book. Unfortunately, a clip from this meeting, which was chewed over by one of these well-known football fans, found its way into my timeline on the last SM channel I still attend. What you are reading now is your business. Grandma Elke invented the Greens and Greenpeace. We didn't know that. That's not true either. But she was younger than 80 and was already alive when it happened. And because she claimed the alleged achievements of the organizations that she had no influence on in any way, with remarkable chutzpah, it was crystal clear to her that she had the right to senselessly damage the earth with opera trips to Palermo and therefore not have to feel responsible for anything. Let future generations prove that they are just as ignorant as Grandma Else in the style of the old, non-binary white man-woman and close their eyes to the obvious.
can.
It must be possible to at least keep your mouth shut.
Apropos vibes: Kalle Rummenigge, the old pony corpse, quickly withdraws his trust from his new trainer on some stage where the soon-to-be 70-year-old is invited, long before his first day at work. He is, so the red-nosed man from Lipperland whines, the candidate for the board of directors, and as a member of the supervisory board he means the body that directs and must direct the operational fortunes of the supervised FC Bayern. The supervisory board has to turn inwards and be helpful. But Kalle can't do that. Since the hated Feistling from Tegernsee doesn't do that either, Kalle turns outwards like Uli and is helpless. Entertainment guaranteed from August included. Everyone is looking forward to it.
Then it's the European elections. Oh, I see. What again? Uschi? No, only if the fascists join in. But they are no longer fascists because they exclude the Nazis from the AfD. You can't make this up: Ms Meloni and Ms Le Pen exclude Ms Weidel so that Ms von der Leyen remains president. Vive la patriarchy. With men like Merz and Laschet, a joke with a walker. And 80 years ago, the landing in Normandy.
When there is flooding, Frank Walter is on cloud nine.
06.06.24
*Kai Blasberg worked in the private media in Germany for 40 years
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