Nobody can be Chancellor: Robert Habeck and the End of the Greens

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but there was a time in my life, when I was about 17, when I thought that a government with Green participation might not be the worst idea from a left-wing perspective. It was a brief bout of youthful stupidity because I had fallen for the commitment to progress. The assurance that socially disadvantaged people should not be constantly branded with the slanderous term "parasites", while people who inherit billions, work at least as little, but keep lapdog consultants on the side to avoid taxes are seen as much more worthy of protection. We always hear that this capital must be handled carefully in Germany so that we can continue to grow! But capital lying around that is not returned to the cycle does not help the economy either.

To my shame, I must also admit that I also believed the myth that a vote for a smaller party was a wasted vote in view of the five percent hurdle, which in case of doubt would benefit the AfD. Tactical voting is not in the spirit of democracy in itself, but defining one's own political thinking exclusively in terms of the maximum damage to the opponent is the stupidest possible of all absurd tactics.

Among the Green voters, however, there are also some who argue that the Greens are the better option if the alternative were not to bring any left-wing votes anywhere near the ability to govern, let alone anywhere near parliament in general. Of course: the votes may have a potentially left-wing sound, but the vote is of little use if the corresponding policies are not implemented.

The failed economics minister's completely failed candidacy for chancellor has made the Greens' core problem irrefutably clear to everyone: the Greens have always been a catch-all for elitist, self-intellectualizing pseudo-sophisticates who see themselves as the glorious victors of a moral battle without ever having fought it. The past three years have also shown that the claim that the Greens are a left-wing party is completely far-fetched, as this period was characterized by economic policy at the expense of the middle class. Taking the second step before the first has nothing to do with progress.

The Greens have achieved a feat that must command respect from political observers in a crude way: they have completely thrown their principles overboard without changing their stance. The Greens' self-image is still that of personified reason, they still see themselves as representatives of the only true morality - even though they have completely moved away from relevant parts of their core idea. It has turned its back on pacifism, it has thrown the effort to achieve social justice to the wind, and when in doubt it seems to accept that some people will have to fall by the wayside in the pursuit of what is "right". The Greens have found alleged answers to global problems that can only be solved in a community of solidarity between all the peoples of the world, which cling firmly to the existing system and simply do not question what the basis for the party's political power is: the state is good and right, the West is superior, some lead, some follow. Meanwhile, former popular parties are building their entire election campaign on distancing themselves from the Green Party, even if the positions of these alleged popular parties would have even more devastating consequences for the general public.

And Robert Habeck? A "realo-Green" who is clearly unsuitable as a real politician with a tendency to whine, the wet dream of every widow or aging mother-in-law? Despite his obvious political indifference, he is portraying himself as the chancellor of hearts. When Robert Habeck - the guy who probably always sighs with relief when he sits down - announced in a moment that he wanted to be part of pop culture that he was going to usher in his "Chancellor Era", I thought it was great satire at first. He couldn't seriously believe that he, who breathes every second sentence as if the smallest mental exercise was already an enormous effort for him, really had a chance.

But well, four years ago people also intoned with great fervor and against their better judgment "Aaaarmin Laaaaschet will be Chancellor", as we know there are miracles - and if not miracles, then at least stubborn conviction bordering on self-deception. So Habeck is going on a big election campaign tour, describing himself as an alliance chancellor. It is only unclear which alliance he means by that: Alliance 90 or the Defense Alliance. His election campaign tour is taking him to the Kchentisch of the nation, because our cute little Struwwelpeter is so down to earth that the filter coffee machines in German households rattle at night in fear that Robert could be at the front door the next morning with a camera crew.

So if you are naughty, you have to expect that one day Robert will be at the door to talk to the "common citizen" like a social worker. You sit in front of the kitchen units that are without exception immaculate, the people who have been tidied up, after all a candidate for chancellor is coming by, and then you chat, and Robert Habeck listens politely, is incredibly understanding, and enjoys the standing chairs and decorative dishes. A nice guy sits there, who is completely focused on the person opposite with his golden retriever eyes, his head tilted slightly forward, nodding slightly all the time, with his hands folded, expressing humility and understanding. After these discussions, he will probably go back to his office to file a criminal complaint against someone who has insulted him on the Internet with some kind of third-rate schoolyard insult.

Habeck plays the thoughtful one, he has enough acting talent to give the impression that he is happy to go through the painful process of weighing things up for days, that he is almost lustfully torturing himself to find the best solution for his people in the end. This is a stunt that only works as long as the solutions are actually good. He can slack off and suffer as much as he wants, mumble the dying swan of ambivalence as often as he wants in front of the camera. Helmut Kohl says: "What matters is what comes out at the end."

In Habeck's case, no one knows: he formulates grand plans for the future with verve, for example on social security contributions on capital gains, and when asked how this is to be achieved, he announces that the details will be clarified later. Of course I can stand as a candidate for chancellor and announce that after my election every German will receive a free schnitzel every week for a year at the government's expense, even made from soya if they want it, and then answer the question about the logistics of this with "We'll see, it'll be fine!" In a way, that makes sense - according to his own statement, Habeck intends to fill the vacuum left by Merkel, and the sentence "We'll sort out the details later" is basically just the phrase "We can do it" with a high school diploma. The only question is whether anyone would vote for me. Although, people are obviously voting for completely different cronies - but more on that in the next few weeks.

For my part, I have long since recovered from my brief mental confusion. The idea that a party that falsely claims to be left-wing and then deports people in the same way, demands a higher defense budget or pursues anti-social policies is still better than no left-wing vote at all is intellectual self-harm. There are still people on social media who cannot stand the cognitive dissonance and try so hard to convince themselves with overconfident declarations that they sound like bots made of flesh and blood: supporters of the Habeck chancellorship are happily building their own filter bubble in which they lure each other with mutual confirmation - they promise to become each other's followers in order to suggest numerical strength. An announcement of allegiance satisfies the vain desire for a nice number on the profile, the feeling of reach and influence.

Recently I read a post from one of these green party soldiers whose bubble is very close to bursting: "I follow about 1000 people who don't follow back. Maybe you'd be so kind and check again." It would be extremely funny and very appropriate for today's times if the lack of such a superficial declaration of solidarity actually undermined this alleged "movement" of the analytically complacent. If you have followers, you're something. We're only in it for the clicks - the Greens are the FDP with a feigned guilty conscience for the younger generation that no longer wants to move up because they've long since arrived there.

01/27/25
*Bent-Erik Scholz works as a freelancer for RBB