Only those who change remain true to themselves.
Reorganizing the German states? An idea so absurd it's brilliant.
Only those who change remain true to themselves.
By Alexander Kira
Only those who change remain true to themselves.
By Alexander Kira
There's good timing and bad timing. While Berlin's Governing Mayor, through the Tennis-Gate controversy, ensured that absolutely everyone could use this tidbit against him until the universe's cold death, Markus Söder shows how it's done right. Because, just like in tennis, in politics everything is a matter of timing.
Now that the vast country of Greenland has changed its flag, the idea of finally freeing small market towns like Bremen and Hamburg from their temporary self-governance doesn't seem so far-fetched--practically a formality like renaming a street in Berlin's Kreuzberg district. Of course, the public practically tripped over itself to praise the absurdity of this idea until it ran out of adjectives. In that respect, the plan didn't quite work out. In reality, all these arguments boil down to the simple principle of "never change a working system."
Indeed, the framers of the Basic Law received it in Bonn's Hofgarten on a stormy night, engraved by lightning on slate tablets from the Lorelei rock. Even the Romans failed in their colonial ambitions, mistaking "North Rhine-Westphalia" for two separate states and constantly getting lost. Rhineland-Palatinate, too, is depicted in vibrant colors in Stone Age cave paintings, deep beneath its pristine forests. Who could dare to alter such a divinely ordained order? Simply suggesting it seems to contradict the theory of relativity and Newton's first law.
Besides the fact that change is never permissible, this idea carries another message, one completely alien to German politics--and therefore, understandably, difficult for the public to accept: Why not try something different for once, instead of taking something away from the citizens? The current debate surrounding inheritance tax vividly illustrates that all innovations are pointless as long as there are still citizens with substantial savings. And since nobody likes multi-billionaires with their enormous nurseries, glassworks, and auto repair shops and their 19 employees anyway, this also makes for a good election campaign issue. True to the motto, "Out of the way, capitalists, we'll win the final battle"--Rio Reiser and R.P.S. Lanrue simply wrote too many lyrics.
The idea that the state might actually take action and reorganize seems, understandably, absurd. Thankfully, everyone has already noted with relief that it's completely impossible for such a reform to save even a single cent. Phew--lucky us. You don't lose weight from exercise alone, but without it, even the best diet is useless. Moreover, it would be unnatural and the worst thing imaginable if West Germans had to do what all East Germans have already experienced.
Of course, Söder's proposal also carries risks: Hanover belonged to Great Britain for a full 123 years under George I, from 1714 to 1837. Now, the Lower Saxons, who already proudly bear the Anglo-Saxon name, could, in a final act of federal sovereignty, surrender to Berlin's grasp. break away and join the British Crown. His Royal Highness King Charles III would surely be amused. The Sennheisers, Rossmanns, and Schaefflers would open up new markets. Hannover 96 could draw on entirely different resources. And former Chancellor Schröder would be rid of the squabbles with his somewhat humorless party--after all, the cigar wasn't actually a reference to Ludwig Erhard, but to Winston Churchill. The danger that Wattenscheid, too, would undoubtedly seize the opportunity is quite real; the humble author of these lines has already warned of this several times. In the general commotion, it could not only break free from Bochum, but finally become its own federal state, or, of course, much more likely, an independent state with a seat in the UN General Assembly and a temporary seat on the Security Council. Confidential talks with Catalan circles are reportedly already taking place in Andorra.
But apart from such squabbles over the best spot on the cat tree: The whole world is changing right now. And we Europeans? We They just watch the big tennis match instead of taking proactive steps rather than reacting. At least as a practice exercise in our own backyard. Because - only those who change remain true to themselves.
January 19, 2026
Alexander Kira has written provocative works on international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter, and cabaret artist. He lives and writesIt lies in the heart of Berlin.
CLICK HERE FOR THE NEW BOOK
Now that the vast country of Greenland has changed its flag, the idea of finally freeing small market towns like Bremen and Hamburg from their temporary self-governance doesn't seem so far-fetched--practically a formality like renaming a street in Berlin's Kreuzberg district. Of course, the public practically tripped over itself to praise the absurdity of this idea until it ran out of adjectives. In that respect, the plan didn't quite work out. In reality, all these arguments boil down to the simple principle of "never change a working system."
Indeed, the framers of the Basic Law received it in Bonn's Hofgarten on a stormy night, engraved by lightning on slate tablets from the Lorelei rock. Even the Romans failed in their colonial ambitions, mistaking "North Rhine-Westphalia" for two separate states and constantly getting lost. Rhineland-Palatinate, too, is depicted in vibrant colors in Stone Age cave paintings, deep beneath its pristine forests. Who could dare to alter such a divinely ordained order? Simply suggesting it seems to contradict the theory of relativity and Newton's first law.
Besides the fact that change is never permissible, this idea carries another message, one completely alien to German politics--and therefore, understandably, difficult for the public to accept: Why not try something different for once, instead of taking something away from the citizens? The current debate surrounding inheritance tax vividly illustrates that all innovations are pointless as long as there are still citizens with substantial savings. And since nobody likes multi-billionaires with their enormous nurseries, glassworks, and auto repair shops and their 19 employees anyway, this also makes for a good election campaign issue. True to the motto, "Out of the way, capitalists, we'll win the final battle"--Rio Reiser and R.P.S. Lanrue simply wrote too many lyrics.
The idea that the state might actually take action and reorganize seems, understandably, absurd. Thankfully, everyone has already noted with relief that it's completely impossible for such a reform to save even a single cent. Phew--lucky us. You don't lose weight from exercise alone, but without it, even the best diet is useless. Moreover, it would be unnatural and the worst thing imaginable if West Germans had to do what all East Germans have already experienced.
Of course, Söder's proposal also carries risks: Hanover belonged to Great Britain for a full 123 years under George I, from 1714 to 1837. Now, the Lower Saxons, who already proudly bear the Anglo-Saxon name, could, in a final act of federal sovereignty, surrender to Berlin's grasp. break away and join the British Crown. His Royal Highness King Charles III would surely be amused. The Sennheisers, Rossmanns, and Schaefflers would open up new markets. Hannover 96 could draw on entirely different resources. And former Chancellor Schröder would be rid of the squabbles with his somewhat humorless party--after all, the cigar wasn't actually a reference to Ludwig Erhard, but to Winston Churchill. The danger that Wattenscheid, too, would undoubtedly seize the opportunity is quite real; the humble author of these lines has already warned of this several times. In the general commotion, it could not only break free from Bochum, but finally become its own federal state, or, of course, much more likely, an independent state with a seat in the UN General Assembly and a temporary seat on the Security Council. Confidential talks with Catalan circles are reportedly already taking place in Andorra.
But apart from such squabbles over the best spot on the cat tree: The whole world is changing right now. And we Europeans? We They just watch the big tennis match instead of taking proactive steps rather than reacting. At least as a practice exercise in our own backyard. Because - only those who change remain true to themselves.
January 19, 2026
Alexander Kira has written provocative works on international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter, and cabaret artist. He lives and writesIt lies in the heart of Berlin.
CLICK HERE FOR THE NEW BOOK
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