Sitzhase and electric scooter
Easter has recently been dubbed "Berlin Christmas," because the Easter Bunny brings the new federal government. Apparently, Easter also brings the fun back to politics, at least if you look closely. Former almost-chancellor Laschet is setting the tone for the new government with his umbrella, charm, and electric scooter. And he's doing it as a bystander. Compliments!
by Alexander Kira
by Alexander Kira
Many people won't like what we're writing now: It was barely a month ago that the police complained that the Defense Minister couldn't ride his e-scooter through Berlin Mitte to work all alone. Some said this was visionary, because there couldn't be a clearer entry into the fashionable protest against car manufacturers. Until it turned out that Armin Laschet had once again been mistaken for Boris Pistorius. Armin Laschet then admitted that he had also considered getting into the minister's car. It's practically parked in front of his neighbor's door every morning, which is no stranger to the partygoers in Parliament. Presumably, with his Westphalian sense of humor, he would drive straight to the Palais Bellevue to reenact Hape Kerkeling's legendary visit to Queen Beatrix.
In these crazy times, however, the fun would probably quickly turn: It wouldn't be surprising if, while he was eating his soup at "Lecker Mittag," he already suspected that he'd been taken in by Angela Merkel, wearing a snow-white wig and black glasses. Time and routine are available, and the former chancellor is also said to have a sense of subversive humor.
Given the busy schedules of ministers, the duplication of office developed by Armin Laschet would also make sense for practical reasons. It was not without reason that the fathers and mothers of the Basic Law introduced the Chancellor and the President, so that they could relieve each other's workload. Pistorius would thus be able to attend significantly more important appointments, while Laschet, as his double, could inspire elementary school children to join the military or inaugurate even more camouflage-colored trams. The only thing his roommate, Pistorius, would surely forbid him from throwing parties again; too much foolishness! It remains to be seen who could double the new Chancellor-to-be. Kevin Kühnert has it much easier. This truly outrageously likeable comrade simply looks so archetypal of a 40-something German that he could be anyone. Will Andy Warhol's 15 minutes of fame now translate into 15 minutes of power? Will people now go governing during their lunch break instead of frying? Democracy doesn't get more direct than that.
In any case, it's certain that the makeup artists of the former Chancellor and the current Foreign Minister are looking forward to golden times: There will be great demand for their services if the popular Laschet-Pistorius team catches on. Even Museum Island is getting in on the act: After 17 years of renovating the Pergamon Museum, they are now tackling the section around the Ishtar Gate. Even the operators of highway construction sites that have been deserted for years will nod in recognition. The gate is now following the trend and will also be covered - with masonry to protect the construction site. One can only hope that the gate will still be there in 2037 and not have spread across the S-Bahn tracks. atomized - like the world's largest gold coin once was. A gate would do the museum good, Jauch and Rauch would say.
Dressing up and renaming is indeed generally fashionable: How we laughed ourselves silly in the 90s about the "winged year-end figure," an admittedly somewhat awkward term for angels in GDR official German. Now revenge is here, with Aldi's "sitting rabbit." "Sitznichtnagetier" was apparently also being discussed. The Gulf of Mexico is now the Gulf of America, and Kreuzberg's "Manteuffelstraße" is now "Audre-Lorde-Straße." For some inexplicable reason, only in parts, but still. The humble author of these lines is seriously not averse to equal rights in street names; let me say this far from being satirical. However, in this case, "Frauteuffelstraße" would have been incomparably more concise.
Armin Laschet wouldn't have hesitated to do it that way, and that brings us back to the original question: What did the old Öcher Armin Laschet unleash with his electric scooter four weeks ago: A republic in which everything is unsafe and even left and right can no longer be distinguished? Or a republic in which women and men once again enjoy travesty? The answer is easy, thanks to Armin! Or as Wilhelm Busch would have put it: "Who's riding past on his scooter so early? It's Laschet - on to the next mischief!"
April 22, 2025
Alexander Kira has provoked international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter, and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
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In these crazy times, however, the fun would probably quickly turn: It wouldn't be surprising if, while he was eating his soup at "Lecker Mittag," he already suspected that he'd been taken in by Angela Merkel, wearing a snow-white wig and black glasses. Time and routine are available, and the former chancellor is also said to have a sense of subversive humor.
Given the busy schedules of ministers, the duplication of office developed by Armin Laschet would also make sense for practical reasons. It was not without reason that the fathers and mothers of the Basic Law introduced the Chancellor and the President, so that they could relieve each other's workload. Pistorius would thus be able to attend significantly more important appointments, while Laschet, as his double, could inspire elementary school children to join the military or inaugurate even more camouflage-colored trams. The only thing his roommate, Pistorius, would surely forbid him from throwing parties again; too much foolishness! It remains to be seen who could double the new Chancellor-to-be. Kevin Kühnert has it much easier. This truly outrageously likeable comrade simply looks so archetypal of a 40-something German that he could be anyone. Will Andy Warhol's 15 minutes of fame now translate into 15 minutes of power? Will people now go governing during their lunch break instead of frying? Democracy doesn't get more direct than that.
In any case, it's certain that the makeup artists of the former Chancellor and the current Foreign Minister are looking forward to golden times: There will be great demand for their services if the popular Laschet-Pistorius team catches on. Even Museum Island is getting in on the act: After 17 years of renovating the Pergamon Museum, they are now tackling the section around the Ishtar Gate. Even the operators of highway construction sites that have been deserted for years will nod in recognition. The gate is now following the trend and will also be covered - with masonry to protect the construction site. One can only hope that the gate will still be there in 2037 and not have spread across the S-Bahn tracks. atomized - like the world's largest gold coin once was. A gate would do the museum good, Jauch and Rauch would say.
Dressing up and renaming is indeed generally fashionable: How we laughed ourselves silly in the 90s about the "winged year-end figure," an admittedly somewhat awkward term for angels in GDR official German. Now revenge is here, with Aldi's "sitting rabbit." "Sitznichtnagetier" was apparently also being discussed. The Gulf of Mexico is now the Gulf of America, and Kreuzberg's "Manteuffelstraße" is now "Audre-Lorde-Straße." For some inexplicable reason, only in parts, but still. The humble author of these lines is seriously not averse to equal rights in street names; let me say this far from being satirical. However, in this case, "Frauteuffelstraße" would have been incomparably more concise.
Armin Laschet wouldn't have hesitated to do it that way, and that brings us back to the original question: What did the old Öcher Armin Laschet unleash with his electric scooter four weeks ago: A republic in which everything is unsafe and even left and right can no longer be distinguished? Or a republic in which women and men once again enjoy travesty? The answer is easy, thanks to Armin! Or as Wilhelm Busch would have put it: "Who's riding past on his scooter so early? It's Laschet - on to the next mischief!"
April 22, 2025
Alexander Kira has provoked international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter, and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
CLICK HERE FOR THE NEW BOOK
TICKETS FOR THE SHOW "SONGS & STORIES" TICKETS FOR THE SHOW "HE\\'S BACK"
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