Trunk to tail
At least the capital could recover from elephants. 20,000 elephants would only be a drop in the ocean to turn Berlin back onto four feet. But have a lot of potential. Törööö.
by Alexander Kira
by Alexander Kira
20,000 elephants from Botswana for Germany. Even loyal Motswanans saw this offer as nothing more than a subtle criticism from their government of Europe's passion for telling the world how to live. But caution is advised for Botswana here, because the federal government in Berlin should think very carefully about turning down this offer carelessly.
At least for the German capital, 20,000 elephants would be a real blessing. There is only local public transport: FreeNow has announced that it will stop arranging rides like Uber, as ride arranging cannot be done without social fraud in the long term. Once the elephants have finally arrived, this is no longer a problem: they can easily carry up to 6 passengers, are by definition not subject to tax and are not subject to the minimum wage law. They could use many of the newly created cycle paths for this, because they are definitely not cars and make do with unleaded grass. It has always been a popular alternative in Berlin. Even hardened SUV drivers would now think twice before parking in a cycle path. In addition, elephants generally cannot trot faster than 40 km/h, Kudamm frenzy would be impossible with them and even epic 30 km/h zones would be welcomed by them and not fought against. Bus drivers are missing everywhere? The colleagues in the gray like to be active at night and can therefore also cover less busy secondary routes. Even a group of hooligans doesn't do more than give them a slap in the face.
The Tempelhofer Feld wouldn't even be needed: the construction of a test center for batteries was just banned in the Berlin Cleantech Park, which was actually the purpose of the park. The popular green toad could possibly settle on the site. Possibly. This means that there is now a lot of space for the elephants here, because the presence of the green toad could not be proven. The typical argument of elephant opponents that the chunky elephant feet do not get along well with the green toads can also be refuted: Since the green toad would only possibly settle on the site, but the elephants have now been proven, the toad would definitely stay away. However, the elephants would already make the area safe for later toad immigration. A win-win situation for the green toad and the elephant.
Finally, one of the numerous never-used nicknames for Berlin sights would finally make sense: The Elephant Washing Machine, as the Chancellery stubbornly tried to call it at the time of the government move. That would be a stroke of luck, especially for the Chancellor in his desperate search for good PR: a picture of him playing with one of these cute animals in the courtyard and hands-on loading hay and manure - a dream for PR strategists! To do this, the Chancellor wouldn't even have to change his typical behavior, i.e. break his silence. The elephant could blow if there was something to say, that's it! That would be colossal, as the last German emperor would have said. Or better: The German people should recover from elephants.
04/09/2024
Alexander Kira has written about international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
At least for the German capital, 20,000 elephants would be a real blessing. There is only local public transport: FreeNow has announced that it will stop arranging rides like Uber, as ride arranging cannot be done without social fraud in the long term. Once the elephants have finally arrived, this is no longer a problem: they can easily carry up to 6 passengers, are by definition not subject to tax and are not subject to the minimum wage law. They could use many of the newly created cycle paths for this, because they are definitely not cars and make do with unleaded grass. It has always been a popular alternative in Berlin. Even hardened SUV drivers would now think twice before parking in a cycle path. In addition, elephants generally cannot trot faster than 40 km/h, Kudamm frenzy would be impossible with them and even epic 30 km/h zones would be welcomed by them and not fought against. Bus drivers are missing everywhere? The colleagues in the gray like to be active at night and can therefore also cover less busy secondary routes. Even a group of hooligans doesn't do more than give them a slap in the face.
The Tempelhofer Feld wouldn't even be needed: the construction of a test center for batteries was just banned in the Berlin Cleantech Park, which was actually the purpose of the park. The popular green toad could possibly settle on the site. Possibly. This means that there is now a lot of space for the elephants here, because the presence of the green toad could not be proven. The typical argument of elephant opponents that the chunky elephant feet do not get along well with the green toads can also be refuted: Since the green toad would only possibly settle on the site, but the elephants have now been proven, the toad would definitely stay away. However, the elephants would already make the area safe for later toad immigration. A win-win situation for the green toad and the elephant.
Finally, one of the numerous never-used nicknames for Berlin sights would finally make sense: The Elephant Washing Machine, as the Chancellery stubbornly tried to call it at the time of the government move. That would be a stroke of luck, especially for the Chancellor in his desperate search for good PR: a picture of him playing with one of these cute animals in the courtyard and hands-on loading hay and manure - a dream for PR strategists! To do this, the Chancellor wouldn't even have to change his typical behavior, i.e. break his silence. The elephant could blow if there was something to say, that's it! That would be colossal, as the last German emperor would have said. Or better: The German people should recover from elephants.
04/09/2024
Alexander Kira has written about international human rights protection and is a lawyer, presenter and cabaret artist. He lives and writes in the heart of Berlin.
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